THE RECORD

June 18, 1997

BACK TO THE EGG

Suzanne Trevis - THE RECORD

My six year old was called into the office last week. The Vice Principal phoned to say she had been in a small tiff with one of her schoolmates.

Needless to say her dad and I sat down and had a chat with her when she came home and I asked her what had prompted the fight.

Her bottom lip came out and her brows all drew together. "She called me a mean name." To which her father rattled off the old sticks and stones routine.

Only when he got to the bit about names never hurting, she looked at him like he was a total moron and said, "But Daddy, it really hurt my feelings!" at which point she burst into tears and ran off to her room.

I know what she means. A few good knocks to the soul can hurt more and last a lot longer than any physical blow. The things that hurt the most aren't those that injure our bodies, but those that injure our pride, our feelings or our sense of justice. You don't see those things, but they will sit there, sometimes for a very long time, colouring everything we think and feel.

Over the past few years I've come to realize how much power words have. "The pen is mightier than the sword" and all that. But it isn't just the pen that has the power to wound. A lash from a vicious tongue cuts mighty deep.

I've picked up of a lot of gossip on various things this last month. Nearly all of it was a crock. Some things that I heard were merely twisted and distorted facts. Others were outright fabrications on somebody's part. And some, I am sorry to say, were extremely vicious and personal attacks aimed at fellow members of our community.

It shames me, as it should everyone else who lives here, that this kind of narrow minded thinking and behavior are tolerated and even encouraged in this age and this place.

I told my daughter that her classmate was having a tough time in her life right now and that maybe when she was having a bad day that's when she needed her friends the most. "Talk to each other and tell her your still her friend," I said.

She went off to school on Monday and we're all buddies again. I'm sure it won't last forever. They're six. But there is a lesson in there.

Talking is good. Talking to each other is better. Talking when your only purpose is to hurt someone else is gossip and this is not good. Another old favourite that more people should really take to heart is "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."